Brand New Year, Same Old Life

What exactly does it mean when we say, I’m turning over a new leaf? Why is this phrase so symbolic of paradigm-shifting life change? Hasn’t the new leaf fallen from the exact same tree as the old leaf? Hasn’t it fallen onto the exact same patch of grass? So, what’s the big deal?

As 2008 comes to its end, I’ve spent a bit of time thinking about the things that should probably be different as I step into 2009. The list is long. I’ve separated it into two categories: Resolutions and Dreams. The Resolutions are the things that I know that I can do and that, really, I almost MUST do to improve my personal quality of life. The Dreams are things that I will do if I’m suddenly endowed with superhuman powers and/or win the lottery.

The Resolutions:
1) Take better care of my teeth and skin – I’m really terrible at this. I’ll fall asleep without brushing and flossing, or washing my face, and I’m starting to feel and see the results. Not good.

2) Be more diligent about vitamins for myself and for Little One.

3) Lose 10 pounds. Yes, I know I have much more to lose, but losing weight hasn’t been the issue. Keeping it lost has been. So, I will permanently lose 10 pounds.

4) Get Little One on a healthy schedule. Right now her schedule closely resembles that of an out-of-control rock star. It’s just not doing either of us any good.

5) Get Little One to sleep in her own bed. This one will be the most wearing, I think. Little One is so stubborn and strong-willed, and very set in her ways. And, as I'vd said, a little like an out of control rock star.

6) Become a writer. Specifically, a columnist. This might seem a little like a Dream rather than a Resolution, but it’s been a Dream for decades, and as I haven’t yet become a superhero or won the lottery, it’s time to reexamine its status. The thing is, it’s possible and the only thing keeping it from happening has been my own lack of faith in myself. I’ve come to believe that this is one of those things that you Fake Until You Make.

7) Increase business sales by 20%. Again, possible. Again, held back by lack of faith in myself.

The Dreams:
1) A Coffee Table – Doesn’t sound like much, but I’ve made a solemn vow to myself that I will no longer buy second-hand furniture or particle-board quality furniture. The Coffee Table is where I make my stand.

2. Pay off all credit cards – Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

3. Pay off car – Somebody get me a tissue

4. Get Honey into preschool – Doesn’t sound like it should be a dream, but preschool is expensive! Shouldn’t be, but it is.

There isn’t a whole lot in these Resolutions and Dreams that’s new or different. Even the Dreams, though far reaching and improbable, aren’t impossible. The only thing new is my commitment to them, and isn’t really commitment that makes or breaks us?

So maybe it’s not the leaf that makes the difference. Maybe it’s what you find or even choose to find when the new leaf is turned. Will I find the same old patch of grass or will I choose to look deeper and find a patch of fresh, clean earth into which I might plant a whole new tree?

Are you feeling tooled? I sure am.

It's day 3 of the GOP convention. Bush has promoted McCain, as we all knew he would. Lieberman has done whatever it is he's doing, for reasons I still don't understand. Fred Thompson went out of his way to badmouth Barack Obama in every other sentence while still looking like everybody's grampa. Whatever, Fred.

Meanwhile, every person who's paid to do so is talking about Sarah Palin's pregnant teenage daughter. Really? Senator Obama has said that this conversation has no place in politics. I agree. So, why is everybody from Anderson Cooper to Whoopi Goldburg talking about it? Because that's what McCain's camp WANTS everybody talking about, that's why.

Let me explain.

This all came up as a supposed preemptive strike, if you'll recall. The McCain camp caught wind of a blog that had asserted that Palin's daughter had actually carried the young Trig Palin, not Sarah, and accuses Sarah of covering it up by saying that Trig is hers.

To offer "proof" of the legitimacy of her motherhood to Trig, she comes public with her 17-year-old daughter's current pregnancy. Since Trig was born in April of this year, there is no way that Bristol was the mother because Bristol Palin is apparently 5 months pregnant now, so.... SURPRISE! I don't know how Bristol's pulled this off, but when I was 5 months pregnant, anybody with working eyes knew it without question.

But that's not the point.

My point is this: This is a lame conversation from beginning to end, but it's juicy. We are witnessing a big, giant Dog-Wagging here, folks, and it's working like gangbusters. Instead of talking about the fact that nominating this woman is an insult to all women who voted for Hillary by the implication that any woman will do and the substance of that woman doesn't matter; and instead of talking about the substantive reasons why Sarah Palin should most definitely NOT be the next Vice-President (shocking lack of experince, corruption, cronyism, etc), we're spending a gazillion media hours on her silly pregnant daughter and her plans to marry her melon-head boyfriend.

Instantly, the conservatives have been handed a flag around which they are rallying with glee, and because this "poor family" is "dealing with something" we're not picking apart Ms. Palin's record, and still, the conservatives are not pulling any punches.

At first I thought that she was being used by the GOP, but not anymore. Frankly, if I were Ms. Palin's family, I'd be ticked off. They are dealing with typical family stuff, but in an entirely atypically public manner. Aside from the fact that being a sports writer or the mayer of a small Alaskan town doesn't really count as experience (2 years as the governor of the least populous state in the union doesn't do much for me either), and aside from questionable employer practices, and aside from her name being mixed in with those under investigation for campaign contribution "issues", the fact that she knew all this stuff would become public fodder and she stepped up for the job anyway makes her priorities suspect in my book.

Somebody's being used, but I don't think it's Sarah Palin. That's the conversation we should be having.

No Sex and No City - Dating in the Valley

I've decided to start dating again. I've been separated for 4 years now, and for most of that time I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that I would never, E V E R, get involved again. After all, I'd taken the plunge twice, and twice found the waters too difficult to navigate. So, what's changed? That would be me.

I've changed. I have spent the least several years getting to the heart of my own matters and I'm pretty sure I've gotten them all straightened out. So... now what? I'm 42 years old, I have a 3-year-old who's afraid of toilets, I partially care for my father, and I have my own business that requires very large chunks of time, and somehow I am going to try to make time for dating, and SOMEHOW make me and my life appealing to a man.

If I was 20-something it would likely be easier. The men I would want to date would be in their late 20's or early 30's. They would be employed, likely mid-career and need to work a 40-50 hour week. They might have small children as well so would understand and tolerate my needs as a single mother.

It's a different world at 40-something. The age-group of the men I want to date would be the mid-late 40's or early 50's. There's a problem or two with that, though. Among other things, their kids are grown and they are planning their retirements so working a lot and potty training a toddler are not on their agendas.

I've been on a couple of singles' websites and I've found that men aren't a whole lot different than they were the last time I tippy-toed through dating-land (the mid-90's that was). They still want to see what you look like and actually like what they see before they'll talk to you. They still appear to want a woman who will not crowd their space, but who will make them feel needed (man, I hate that tightrope), and they still don't want to be intimidated by a woman's intelligence. The only difference between men of my youth and the eligible bachelors of my current world is that they all seem to have acquired that Harley they wanted when they were young and their 1st and 2nd wives put their collective feet down.

First of all, I've seen the men looking for "good-looking" women, and most of them don't really have the right to ask for good looks in a partner. Where do these guys with little to no hair and a potbelly get off asking for youthful looking women with athletic bodies? Second, what makes these men think that we 40-something women want to jump on the backs of their Harleys when we know that their reaction speed is half what it was 25 years ago when we didn't want them to get the Harleys to begin with? Senility is still a couple of decades away, thank you very much!

I have the added fun of living in the Valley. That means that my dating pool is about 1/50 the size of, say, Seattle or Dallas. In real numbers, that means that in a place like Seattle, there might be 5000 eligible bachelors in my desired age group. I might be compatible with 150 of them. Apply that ratio to the Fresno/Clovis area and look: 100 eligible bachelors, I'm compatible with exactly 3.

Ouch. It doesn't look good.

The Beijing Olympics

Significant events matter, long after they have occurred. We all know it. That’s why we always ask the question, "What where you doing when thus-and-such happened," and we always know that we’ll get an answer. It’s how we connect to one another and make ourselves part of the event itself.

I actually remember men landing on the moon because my mother got me out of bed and sat me in front of the TV. I wasn't even 4 yet and I couldn't have cared less at the time. But I remember her saying, "you'll be glad you saw this someday." And it's true! I am. Not only because it’s really cool, but also because I have a story that connects me to the event and the other people who remember it too.

These Olympics are that significant. They are so significant because they're in China. Remember when it wasn't just "China", but "RED China"? Remember 1972 when Nixon went to Red China and what a big deal that was? I don’t even remember why he went (I was only 6), but I remember how important it was at the time. There was no way that having the Olympics in such a place could be envisioned then. I do vividly remember almost 20 years ago when students were protesting and dying in Tiananman Square. Olympics? NO WAY!

Now see this place - the world has gathered in relative peace, cooperation, and harmony. The Chinese people cheer for their own athletes, but they cheer for ours as well. The Iranian contingent got a fairly large ovation when they entered the Bird’s Nest on opening night. So did the United States. The bronze winning kayaker from Togo gets interviewed in French and U.S.’s best basketball player gets interviewed in Italian. Just like that funky rainbow of footprints that was made when the nations walked across the giant stamp-pad, the color and culture lines are blurring spectacularly.

The world is connected now in ways that only sportsmanship can accomplish and it's a beautiful thing. I mean, who isn’t cheering for Michael Phelps right now? As these spectacular people win with grace, lose with dignity, and embrace each other regardless, my wish is that our world leaders are paying attention and taking notes, yet the Russia/Georgia skirmish tells me they are not.

I wonder if the leaders were paying attention when Phelps DIDN’T take the American flag he was offered and DIDN’T drape it around his shoulders as he was walking around The Cube after his seventh medal ceremony. It’s like he was saying, "No, dude, it’s about the swimming. It’s about the sport." It wasn’t two Americans and a Serb posing for the papers, it was three guys that swim like dolphins – Phelps was the one with the gold around his neck.

Here and now, in front of our faces in streaming video, is the living example of the difference between Patriotic Pride and Nationalistic Fervor, and the people who need the lessons the most are sleeping in the back of the classroom. It makes me want to set them all down in front of the TV and tell them, "I know you’d rather sleep, but someday you’ll be glad you saw this."

Happy Easter Central Valley

I've had what I would call an interesting week. When I was in high school, we would use the word interesting as a substitute for a different, less PC word. I had one of those kinds of weeks.

First, I had to take my minivan in to have the rack & pinion fixed (replaced), whereupon it was discovered that I also needed to have breaks done and rotors replaced. I take my vehicles to Discount Tires on Shaw in Clovis and I love those guys, I really do. Robert and Stephen were so helpful about coming and getting the van, then dropping it off when it was done. When my check didn't go through they didn't call the cops (it wasn't my fault, by the way - some kind of glitch in the electronic check payment thingy), Harry, who seems to by my own personal mechanic is always looking out for me and I can't be more thankful. Regardless of all this, it's really hard to love people when you are forced to hand over 1,200 hard earned simolians in such a manner. They also took my bitchiness very well. Thanks guys!

Second, my babysitter and her sister-in-law turned ladies night out into ladies night in the hospital when said babysitter totalled her husband's mercedez (should that be capitalized?). They were both bumped and bruised up pretty good, but they're fine and the good news was none of their collective seven children were in the car. The bad news for me, and it's all about me afterall, was that I didn't have a babysitter for a week. It was fun and all, more time with the munchkin, but it made working a bit harder.

Third, I drove all the way out to Paso Robles to pick up a print order that my father said was ready, and it wasn't! This was the second such trip and it was all I could do to keep the 5th commandment. That's all I have to say about that.

The silver lining was on Friday when I took munchkin with me on sales calls. First we went to Academy Feed in Sanger where she got to go crazy over their Easter chicks. She calls them cheeps. So cute. Then we went to Kelley's Pets on Cedar and she got to go crazy over their Easter bunnies. Still very cute. I'm glad I get such a kick outta that kid.

If you are in the Fresno/Clovis area, you have just witnessed one of the most beautiful weeks we will have all year long. Perfect air, perfect tempurature, you can see the copious snow pack and the lovely blossoms. I hope you took lots of mental pictures of the last couple of days, because you're going to need the happy memories to get you through the summer to come. From what I hear, it's going to be a doozy.

A nice person named Bill IM'ed me. I get a lot of random IMs these days - apparently I come up on yahoo's singles' search pretty readily. This guy was married, so I let him know right away that there wouldn't be any shinanigans - I don't know if he had shinanigans on his mind, but I wasn't taking any chances. Anyway, he's from England and has been here since 1988 when his company transferred him here. I asked him if he misses it at all. He said that his sister had emailed him from England and told him that they had gotten 3 inches of snow - NO, he doesn't miss it at all! LOL! In fact his favorite thing about the valley is the weather, even the hot stuff. His least favorite is the fog. Bill's favorite restaurant is an Italian restaurant named Parma at Fresno & Herndon (I've never been there) and his favorite things to do are golf, hunting, and fishing.

He loves the people in Fresno and Clovis - he says they are layed back... cool. Isn't that nice?

Why Clovis?

I live in Clovis, CA. Clovis is a suburb of Fresno. Oh, I know. How does a place like Fresno have a suburb? Well, for those of you who might have happened upon this silly little shrine to self-indulgence who don't actually KNOW Fresno, it's not as bad as they make it sound.

Over the next whatever span of time, I'm planning on doing some research on the Fresno/Clovis area. I don't know a whole lot, but I do know that I like it here. It's a little more conservative than I like, but people aren't rude about it. It gets a little too hot in the summer and the hot lasts a little too long, but there are mountains nearby on one side, and an ocean sort of nearby on the other to cool us off.

We are a community of extremes - the northside is rich, the southside is poor. The old folks want to build a wall along the Mexican border, the young folks ditch school to protest anti-Mexican legislation. We depend on our mountain snowpack to provide us with water through our 110 degree summers. We are the breadbasket of the west, but our per capita homeless and hungry is downright shameful. Fresno has some of the worst schools in the nation, Clovis has some of the best. Like any community, we have some of the nicest people you'll ever meet, and some, well, not so much.

I lived in Clovis during my senior year in high school - went to Clovis High, when their only rival was Clovis West (now there are Buchanan, Clovis East, and Clovis North). That's when Old Town was just....... Town. After graduation, I moved back to Orange County (waaaaaaaaaaaay before it was The OC - what a load). In 1993, I moved to Texas. I lived in various places around the Dallas/Ft. Worth area for 10 years. I bring that up because when I moved from Texas to Clovis, the first thing I noticed was that except for the lack of humidity, I had landed myself right back into Texas. Same politics, same religious fervor, same love for pick-up trucks, same music, same past-times, same frames of mind. In short, everything that I might have missed about Texas, was already here when I arrived.

I decided to write this blog because I am proud of this community. There are things I would change if I could, of course, but generally speaking, I love it here. I love how people who seem to be so different see nothing odd about standing together for things that matter to them. I love the blossoms in the springtime, and dancing at the Farmers' Market in the summertime, and the lights along 5th Street at Christmastime. I love driving by the horses and cows on Bullard, and the 1900's "highrises" in downtown. I love seeing high school football and minor league baseball on the evening news. I even love seeing how my daughter doesn't like it here because there's nothing to do, because I know that that very thing is what will draw her back someday. I love it here.

I need to figure out how to make the darn picture loader work - I plan on writing about and displaying my hometown. I believe that the best and worst of what comprises America can be found right here, and I plan on showing it to the world - well, to anybody who has nothing better to do than to read it, that is.