I've decided to start dating again. I've been separated for 4 years now, and for most of that time I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that I would never, E V E R, get involved again. After all, I'd taken the plunge twice, and twice found the waters too difficult to navigate. So, what's changed? That would be me.
I've changed. I have spent the least several years getting to the heart of my own matters and I'm pretty sure I've gotten them all straightened out. So... now what? I'm 42 years old, I have a 3-year-old who's afraid of toilets, I partially care for my father, and I have my own business that requires very large chunks of time, and somehow I am going to try to make time for dating, and SOMEHOW make me and my life appealing to a man.
If I was 20-something it would likely be easier. The men I would want to date would be in their late 20's or early 30's. They would be employed, likely mid-career and need to work a 40-50 hour week. They might have small children as well so would understand and tolerate my needs as a single mother.
It's a different world at 40-something. The age-group of the men I want to date would be the mid-late 40's or early 50's. There's a problem or two with that, though. Among other things, their kids are grown and they are planning their retirements so working a lot and potty training a toddler are not on their agendas.
I've been on a couple of singles' websites and I've found that men aren't a whole lot different than they were the last time I tippy-toed through dating-land (the mid-90's that was). They still want to see what you look like and actually like what they see before they'll talk to you. They still appear to want a woman who will not crowd their space, but who will make them feel needed (man, I hate that tightrope), and they still don't want to be intimidated by a woman's intelligence. The only difference between men of my youth and the eligible bachelors of my current world is that they all seem to have acquired that Harley they wanted when they were young and their 1st and 2nd wives put their collective feet down.
First of all, I've seen the men looking for "good-looking" women, and most of them don't really have the right to ask for good looks in a partner. Where do these guys with little to no hair and a potbelly get off asking for youthful looking women with athletic bodies? Second, what makes these men think that we 40-something women want to jump on the backs of their Harleys when we know that their reaction speed is half what it was 25 years ago when we didn't want them to get the Harleys to begin with? Senility is still a couple of decades away, thank you very much!
I have the added fun of living in the Valley. That means that my dating pool is about 1/50 the size of, say, Seattle or Dallas. In real numbers, that means that in a place like Seattle, there might be 5000 eligible bachelors in my desired age group. I might be compatible with 150 of them. Apply that ratio to the Fresno/Clovis area and look: 100 eligible bachelors, I'm compatible with exactly 3.
Ouch. It doesn't look good.
No comments:
Post a Comment