No Sex and No City - Dating in the Valley

I've decided to start dating again. I've been separated for 4 years now, and for most of that time I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that I would never, E V E R, get involved again. After all, I'd taken the plunge twice, and twice found the waters too difficult to navigate. So, what's changed? That would be me.

I've changed. I have spent the least several years getting to the heart of my own matters and I'm pretty sure I've gotten them all straightened out. So... now what? I'm 42 years old, I have a 3-year-old who's afraid of toilets, I partially care for my father, and I have my own business that requires very large chunks of time, and somehow I am going to try to make time for dating, and SOMEHOW make me and my life appealing to a man.

If I was 20-something it would likely be easier. The men I would want to date would be in their late 20's or early 30's. They would be employed, likely mid-career and need to work a 40-50 hour week. They might have small children as well so would understand and tolerate my needs as a single mother.

It's a different world at 40-something. The age-group of the men I want to date would be the mid-late 40's or early 50's. There's a problem or two with that, though. Among other things, their kids are grown and they are planning their retirements so working a lot and potty training a toddler are not on their agendas.

I've been on a couple of singles' websites and I've found that men aren't a whole lot different than they were the last time I tippy-toed through dating-land (the mid-90's that was). They still want to see what you look like and actually like what they see before they'll talk to you. They still appear to want a woman who will not crowd their space, but who will make them feel needed (man, I hate that tightrope), and they still don't want to be intimidated by a woman's intelligence. The only difference between men of my youth and the eligible bachelors of my current world is that they all seem to have acquired that Harley they wanted when they were young and their 1st and 2nd wives put their collective feet down.

First of all, I've seen the men looking for "good-looking" women, and most of them don't really have the right to ask for good looks in a partner. Where do these guys with little to no hair and a potbelly get off asking for youthful looking women with athletic bodies? Second, what makes these men think that we 40-something women want to jump on the backs of their Harleys when we know that their reaction speed is half what it was 25 years ago when we didn't want them to get the Harleys to begin with? Senility is still a couple of decades away, thank you very much!

I have the added fun of living in the Valley. That means that my dating pool is about 1/50 the size of, say, Seattle or Dallas. In real numbers, that means that in a place like Seattle, there might be 5000 eligible bachelors in my desired age group. I might be compatible with 150 of them. Apply that ratio to the Fresno/Clovis area and look: 100 eligible bachelors, I'm compatible with exactly 3.

Ouch. It doesn't look good.

The Beijing Olympics

Significant events matter, long after they have occurred. We all know it. That’s why we always ask the question, "What where you doing when thus-and-such happened," and we always know that we’ll get an answer. It’s how we connect to one another and make ourselves part of the event itself.

I actually remember men landing on the moon because my mother got me out of bed and sat me in front of the TV. I wasn't even 4 yet and I couldn't have cared less at the time. But I remember her saying, "you'll be glad you saw this someday." And it's true! I am. Not only because it’s really cool, but also because I have a story that connects me to the event and the other people who remember it too.

These Olympics are that significant. They are so significant because they're in China. Remember when it wasn't just "China", but "RED China"? Remember 1972 when Nixon went to Red China and what a big deal that was? I don’t even remember why he went (I was only 6), but I remember how important it was at the time. There was no way that having the Olympics in such a place could be envisioned then. I do vividly remember almost 20 years ago when students were protesting and dying in Tiananman Square. Olympics? NO WAY!

Now see this place - the world has gathered in relative peace, cooperation, and harmony. The Chinese people cheer for their own athletes, but they cheer for ours as well. The Iranian contingent got a fairly large ovation when they entered the Bird’s Nest on opening night. So did the United States. The bronze winning kayaker from Togo gets interviewed in French and U.S.’s best basketball player gets interviewed in Italian. Just like that funky rainbow of footprints that was made when the nations walked across the giant stamp-pad, the color and culture lines are blurring spectacularly.

The world is connected now in ways that only sportsmanship can accomplish and it's a beautiful thing. I mean, who isn’t cheering for Michael Phelps right now? As these spectacular people win with grace, lose with dignity, and embrace each other regardless, my wish is that our world leaders are paying attention and taking notes, yet the Russia/Georgia skirmish tells me they are not.

I wonder if the leaders were paying attention when Phelps DIDN’T take the American flag he was offered and DIDN’T drape it around his shoulders as he was walking around The Cube after his seventh medal ceremony. It’s like he was saying, "No, dude, it’s about the swimming. It’s about the sport." It wasn’t two Americans and a Serb posing for the papers, it was three guys that swim like dolphins – Phelps was the one with the gold around his neck.

Here and now, in front of our faces in streaming video, is the living example of the difference between Patriotic Pride and Nationalistic Fervor, and the people who need the lessons the most are sleeping in the back of the classroom. It makes me want to set them all down in front of the TV and tell them, "I know you’d rather sleep, but someday you’ll be glad you saw this."