What to do, what to do?

How the Marjaree Mason Center defines Financial Abuse in relation to Domestic Violence:

Financial abuse:
Preventing victim from getting or maintaining employment;
Giving victim insufficient allowance, or taking money from victim;
Forcing victim to ask or beg for money from abuser;
Hiding money or preventing victim from knowing about or having access to family finances.

The above is one of the key issues facing victims of domestic abuse. Even after the victim has finally faced the reality of her situation and becomes ready to leave, she often cannot due to her financial circumstances.

What does it mean?

1) The victim has no job. If she has been in her situation for longer than 10 years, she likely has few marketable skills and will find it difficult to convince an employer to take a chance on her. She likely has little to no work experience, so any job she might be able to get will be entry level at best. This will not support her or her children.

2) The victim has little or no savings. The things necessary to starting a new life cost money and she has none: deposit for apartment rent, deposit for utilities, food, etc.

3) An employer will require a permanent address and references. A permanant address will require an employer and references.

4) Any public assistance that could be of use to her if she were single is out of her reach if she is living with her abuser. Once she leaves her abuser, it takes 60-90 days for any public assistance to be processed.

5) An enrageable man suspects EVERYTHING so EVERYTHING (locating a job, locating housing, locating financial assistance) must be done in secret and will require outside help.

6) The abuser has spent much time and much energy in systematically separating his victim(s) from anybody that would assist her, i.e. friends, neighbors, family.

In short, the victim either needs two to three months worth of assistance to be ready for her on the day that she leaves her situation, OR she needs to somehow find a job and work at it for two to three months, find housing, and arrange for her and her kids' needs, without her suspicious abuser finding out. No matter how you look at it, it's a steep mountain to climb for one who already feels defeated.

Add to that the prejudices held by those that just don't understand or care. I heard of a woman who was working temp jobs, trying to work her way out of her abusive situation. She had been placed in a job that was to have lasted 8 weeks. On her third day at that employer, her husband broke through her restraining order and beat her. She made it to work on time the next day, but with a black eye that was painful to look at. The employer excused her from working that day, then called the agency that placed her and complained about her lack of professionalism. The agency dropped her.

I know another woman who has two kids and whose live-in boyfriend abuses her. She has a minimum-wage job that will not come close to supporting her and her children. She's already been told that she doesn't qualify for Section 8, food stamps, or any other public assistance because those financial needs are being met by her boyfriend. Additionally, the car she needs to get back and forth to work and her kids' daycare is being paid for by her boyfriend. If she loses her car, she loses her job.

What is needed is a way to bridge the gap between Getting Out and Being Self-Sufficient. There are wonderful organizations out there that can help. In Fresno, we have the Marjaree Mason Center Domestic Violence Shelter and Supportive Services. However, most victims have been instilled with such a feeling of worthlessness that they never reach out, and then when they do they might find such organizations overburdoned and only able to help in a limited fashion, if at all.

The good news is, it's getting better. Advocacy has raised awareness of the delicate tightrope victims walk. Volunteers go through hours of training so that they can educate and assist victims, and educate first responders and the community at large. Shelters are beginning to do more than offer a bed - they offer crisis services, therapy, parenting classes, legal assistance, job counseling, intervention, and more. With even adequate funding, they could do even more.

Domestic Violence is on the rise. The economy is creating stressful situations that are sending abusers over the edge with greater frequency and to larger effect. Programs like Fresno's Marjaree Mason Center have never been needed more, their volunteers have never been more valuable.

You can help. Go to mmcenter.org to find out about the great things being done at Marjaree Mason Center. The site offers education on the abuse cycle, lists programs offered, lists way you can volunteer from stuffing envelopes to assisting teen advocates, and tells how you can donate to this cause. It's more than worthwhile - it's absolutely invaluable.

I know.